so, your last name isn't penisberg?

A: no, it is not.

ladies and gentlemen I submit for your approval: The 2008 Monday Morning Hangover Year in review.

Best Discovery (overall discoveries category)-  Apple Macbook. Look, all my life I've ben a mac user. true story. and the new generation of macbook is all I want out of a laptop and more, ample processor speed(2.0 ghz) , lot of storage space (250 gb), and plenty of memory (4gb). not to mention apple's user friendly UI makes for good times all around.

Worst Discovery(overall discoveries category) - Alabama Slammers- even on paper they sound bad. Souther Comfort and Amaretto. here, take my throat and shove shit down it, asking for one of those at a bar makes you look like a freshman sorority girl at tuscaloosa.

Best show- A Day To Remember and New Found Glory- NFG started out as a hardcore band so i guess this makes sense to have them play together, these two bands were each #2 in my book of favorite bands during high school and middle school respectively. NFG plays such a long set and they're pretty cool to their fans and ADTR and I are acquaintances and I like both of their albums so for the only show i went to, it wins by default.

Worst Show- A Day to Remember and New Found Glory- Look, for what was cool at that show, in retrospect, never play live as the International SuperHeroes of Hardcore ever again. And Four Years Strong are massholes so fuck them just on principle.

Best Book I Read- Men With Balls: The handbook on how to become a Pro Athlete by Drew Magary.  The book is a parody of what it is to be a pro athlete and made me glad I passed up football scholarships to play at UFC and FIU. (ed note: but not by much.)

Gayest Music I started listening to this year- Jesse McCartney. I used to make fun of my sister for liking him when "beautiful soul" came outback in '04 now it's '08 and i know almost every word to leaving. fuck me.

Top Albums of '08

1. Oracular Spectacular - MGMT. mix one parts the format and one parts Circa Survive and you have a CD I listen to almost nonstop. The Lyrical content of Time to Pretend is almost the theme song to The MMH.

2. Universal Mind Control- Common. Common is awesome first and foremost. and with appearances by pharrell, Kanye, and Cee-Lo only make this CD even more awesome.

3. Paper Trail- TI. This CD has more guest appearances than I care for but Live your Life and swagger like us are catchy. I play swing ya rag when I work out a lot too.

4. 808's and Heartbreak- Kanye West. Kevin Pereria is right. a simple beat and auto tune makes anything a chart hit.

5. In Rainbows- Radiohead. look. December 28 '07 might as well be 2008. and even so, it was still better than pretty much everything put out this year.

Hero of the year (non-sports category)- Hunter S. Thompson. He is and always will be my personal hero. He wasn't afraid of anything except himself. The new documentary on his life aptly titled Gonzo is one of the best films ever. period.

Asshat of the year (non-sports category) Bernard Madoff. for not sharing with me. oh and for being the epitome of greed and shitheadedness.

Hero(s) of the year sports category- The 2008 World Series Champion Philadelphia Phillies. I'm gonna let Chutley do the talking for me

Asshats of the year Sports category- The Dallas Cowboys. Well, lets see. Jerry Jones convinced HBO to make a mini series of training camp, Signed Roy Williams and Pacman Jones, then proceeded to implode culminating in a 44-6 loss to my beloved Eagles. god. this was an awesome year in sports for me.

Beer of the Year- Yuengling. Bias aside. no other $11 beer satisfies you quite like the first american lager. 

Worst beer of the year- Wild Blue. Blue colored shitwater. tastes like Jay Cutler's piss.

Quote of the year- "oh and what about you, a little stewie headed baby raking his parents shag carpet, you know why you did that? so all the fibers went in the same direction, that is type A OCD Brad."

Best Aim convo: Joe" that is saved on my computer as instant stress relief"

Brad:"what do you know, so is this"

Joe: I less than three eve lawrence

Brad: "see, in my mind she looks surprised cause i've just walked in on her in the bathroom and im in a three point stance about to rape her"

Best overall thing of 2008:

Joe Costa (swallowing my cum)

But really though, The phillies winning the world series. better than anything else really.

Ma-Halo

-Bnew

conversations with my RTO

now, those avid readers I have know I'm in the United States Army. these are the convos I had with my Ratio/Telephone Operator Blake "domino" Dominello

Domino: "brad can you hand me that pencil with the eraser still on it? these coax connectors are sucking up the dust"

Me:"domino watch that grid pin connector next to the Blue Force Tracker"

D:"roger that big gay brad"

M:"I would hate to lose our SATCOM UHF antenna"

D:"yeah, it is fucking sweet"

M:"the era of VHF concentric nitric warfare is finally over, falcon view anytime we need it"

D:"actually falcon view is civilian version, like over the counter."

M:"you mean off the shelf?"

D:"yeah, i said that"

M:"no, you didn't"

D:"yeah, i did, i just used a poor choice of words, I meant to say off the shelf, fuck, I wanna install speakers in here, play some GG allin"

M:"domino, are you breaking my no country policy again?"

D:"what? are you kidding me? GG allin was the original punk rocker, he believed killing people should be legalized, he was fucking awesome"

M:"well, we don't have speakers. frankly I'm glad. don't you remember, the United States Soldier is swift silent and deadly"

D:"what about swift silent and stoned? we should get some hash chunks for your hookah"

M:"what? why do you even say do that stupid shit? you don't even do drugs?"

D:"how do you even know"

M:"cause like me, you were on the debate team in high school, no one on the debate team gets high or laid"

D:"i just don't see the facts on what you're basing this off of"

M:"we both know you were a virgin until after Leonard Wood, I was there remember? the stripper in Leonard wood?"

D:"oh, come on, you're not even using the pertinent facts here, we're having a fucking professional debate, she just grabbed me at the door when we were leaving, it's not like I asked for it, if memory serves, you hit it too"

M:"even if you're claiming you were raped you were still a virgin till after AIT"

D:"oh, and what about you, a little stewie headed baby raking his parents shag carpet in his house, you did that so all of the fibers went in the same direction, that is type A OCD."

M:"I DID IT FUCKING ONCE DOMINO"

D:"you know, you're so cute when you're angry"

so, there it is, a glimpse into the minds of two soldiers, more to follow.

Ma-Halo

-Bnew

mappy molidays

So visiting family in SoFl means I can't drink nearly as much as I do up in Tallahassee. See, Beer for me has become something I look forward to throughout the day. Helps time go by faster. when I should be paying attention to lessons on Kerouac and Faulkner, I'm really thinking about how heavily I'm going to be drinking. Now living back in West Palm Beach requires me to, you know, think of ways to make my day more entertaining rather than having a six pack and letting nature run it's course. However, without what I consider the catalyst to what makes me a more entertaining person and not the shell of a man you hear about here, I've been having a increasingly harder time restraining myself from throwing a chair through a sliding glass window to vent my frustrations. I'm looking forward to christmas and more specifically getting stuff for christmas. I'll admit it, I love free shit that I don't have to pay for. Paying rent and other bills has made my lifestyle a lot less fun than when I was on active duty and in high school when I didn't have to worry about that. Now it's down to making life decisions at the cost of fun. Residing in a college town with a small job market is pretty much the worst way to make a living.  Oh well, I'm home for three weeks and I get to free load.

Ma-Halo

-Bnew

o hai

Well, the past few days have been exhausting. I have new beer in my life,  Joe thinks I'm gay for trying fruited beer. It's sea dog, I got the sampler pack my justification in the matter is that I'm sampling beers to get that experienced beer drinker status. the desk in my room has beer bottles lined from end to end, I do not think i have a problem. In the past week I've sampled the following beers:

-Sea Dog Wild Blueberry Wheat Ale: Tasted like blueberry muffins. If I could have two of these for breakfast every morning, I would.

-Sea Dog Apricot Wheat Beer: it smelled fucking amazing. that's about where the compliments end. It was bland taste wise and I wouldn't ever consider drinking it again. but isn't this the point of this experiment?

-Sea Dog Raspberry Wheat Ale: This was the last beer I sampled in the sea dog pack, but it was my favorite, the flavor was present and I enjoyed drinking this semi-sweet beer. Would be awesome for a hot summer afternoon.

-Flying Dog Woody Creek White: This Belgian styled wit beer was very light but retained flavor nicely. Another beer that would have been better served on a summer afternoon at a baseball game or BBQing 

-Flying Dog Snake Dog IPA- Like most IPAs this one was pretty bitter. Also it having 7% alcohol might have helped me drink it. I was watching the Flyers game the other night and it served as the perfect hockey watching brew.

-Flying Dog In Heat Wheat Hefeweizen-  Wheat Beer seems to be a trend here. This german styled beer was sweet and had a honey like taste to it, very awesome.

-Flying Dog Old Scratch Amber Lager- Bold, Rich and flavorful. I enjoyed this game as I was eating a burger I grilled and it paired up perfectly, perfect for watching a game on sunday.

-Flying Dog Tire Bite Golden Ale- another beer that's pretty light, you could easily drink a six pack and not feel much I'm convinced

-Flying Dog Doggie Style Classic Pale Ale- all around pretty good, very balanced, could drink this with a meal and be satisfied.

-Blue Dog Wild Blue Blueberry Lager- pure shit. poured a purplish color that was a little off putting, when I drank it I forgot it was beer and I thought I was drinking shitty wine. very syrupy and sweet. In a bad way.

I wouldn't mind drinking half of those beers again, my favorites were the Sea Dog Raspberry and the Flying Dog Amber Lager. hooray for being a drunken loser!

-Ma-halo

Bnew

never, never ever ever get wild blue confused with any of the flying dog beers.

I made the misfortune of purchasing a six pack of wild blue the other day. My brain thought it was something it already wasn't. The beer, if you can really call it that, tastes like sugary syrup. When you pour it into a glass it has a purplish color and a violet head that fades rapidly. it's more like one of the shittiest wines you will ever drink cause the gimmick of this beer is that it's Blueberry beer. Blueberries = good. Beer = awesome. blueberry beer = epic fail. fuck my life.

Although I did manage to correct this mistake by buying the sample pack by wild dog, 2 beers each of their varieties, a crew brew version of sam adams that's even better in my opinion. As we speak im drinking their "Doggystyle" pale ale and I'm impressed. 

Ma-halo

-Bnew

MMH 1 - AtHoT 0

Brad- http://tinyurl.com/2w4apm

Joe- You're an asshole.

Brad- win

I gotta have me my boats n hoes

this is where the funny goes.

Athletes say and do the darndest things

I'm sure we've all heard of the Plaxico Burress situation. Plaxico brings a loaded .40 Glock into a club, places said glock in his pants, glock slides down, he reaches to adjust it, weapon discharges, hilarity ensues. According to plaxico he was never shot. No, The victim would be a gentleman named Harris Smith, who was shot outside a Applebees. Plax has now been suspended for the Gnats final four games and now faces two felony charges. His teammate Antonio Pierce, who was with him on said night, now faces questioning from NYC police, and the doctor who failed to file a police report on said incident, has been suspended from his hospital. NY Mayor Michael Bloomberg has said that Plax should be tried to the fullest extent of the law and any leniency would be a outrage. See you in three years plax.

Dallas Stars Center Sean Avery has been suspended indefinitely for comments he made towards Calgary Flames player Dion Phaneuf claiming that 

                                                                                         "I just want to comment on how it's like become a common thing in the NHL for guys to fall in love with my slppy seconds. "

                                              Way to go sean. you're suspended until the commish decides to speak to you, I'm sure he's in a huge rush to get to one douchenozzle player when he's got an entire league with financial problems to run. Although, that comment could actually be pointed at any number of players as cuthbert is what hockey fans call a "puck bunny"

Fucking A. Do pro athletes even have a clue anymore? I think it's awesome when Chase Utley drops an F-Bomb in front of an sell-out crowd, but at least he's likable. The NHL is in a sad state where they need a public identity, but one who falls under the same degree of likability as Terrell Owens. I guess I should have been a Pro athlete. I talk out of my ass and underperform just about every day. Give me $80 mil.

Ma-Halo

-Bnew

you're a god amongst ants

We're the dumbest generation. ever.

There is something to be said for my generation, more specifically those of us who aren't the type to pay money to enter a club where unless you're of age the chances of you having an actual good time are greatly reduced. Those of us who invite friends over and get drunk in the comfort of our own homes know how to be people. The others. Those pawns in the rat race that is growing up in the new america don't appreciate what lies in front of them. AJ's Sports bar/Club in tallahassee has an outdoor deck that is commonly used as a night club, now, while that club is separated by a blockbuster, and a major road in here in town, I can hear that fucking thing every night as I try to either write or sleep. The urge for me to throw a fucking grenade into that place rises every night. The only thing slowing me down is not knowing where I could procure one. Clubs are vastly overrated, why sure, I will pay $6 for a drink I can make my self at home for $2. $100 for a bottle of Grey Goose? What a bargain! Now, I'm not saying we should all become hermits and just drink ourselves into oblivion by ourselves on a tuesday afternoon. no. I'm saying think long and hard next time you're at a club. Why are you there? Are you having fun yet? Ladies, having a guy mash his groin and you grind on him what you call "dancing" is really just a thinly veiled metaphor for sex can't be a rousing night for you. Can it? If it is start your career in porn now. Guys, paying for everything sounds so awesome right? a $8 cover if you're under 21 (maybe $5 if you're over) then paying far out the ass for drinks when you know you'd rather be drinking beer is so much better. Somewhere future senators are paying $8 for a jager bomb and another $6 for Shanaynay's Long Island Iced Tea. We're fucked.

Ma-Halo

-BNew 

you'll never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy 

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro

Well, Thanksgiving for the Lewis clan is always unique, and this year my nephew was present for his first ever feast. West Palm will always hold a unique place in my heart, as long as I have family down there anyway, It's more sprawled out than Tallahassee, but there is even less to do there. While there I participated in the annual madness that is black friday. I purchased a few movies and a game for my new macbook. not the hugest purchases ever, but sufficient enough. 

It seems that once baseball season ended Professional sports got a lot less interesting for me. The NFL is in a down year. Boring. The NBA will never achieve the status it once had in the 80's and mid 90's. Players are no longer athletes but brands. The NHL is all but forgotten to the majority of americans, hockey itself is held just above soccer in regards to most people. College Football seems to be the last bastion of entertainment this winter. The cluster fuck that is the BCS has placed Oklahoma above Texas, Texas also beat Oklahoma earlier this year. go figure. Our president-elect has also called for a college football playoff, will it happen? sure, keep some of the games as bowls but have them count as playoff games, and keep the BCS title game as is. Problem solved. So what if USC plays in both the Rose Bowl and the Sugar Bowl? Those historical events are only kept around to generate sponsorship revenue for the NCAA anyway.

Gonzo: the life and work of Dr. Hunter S. Thompson is a great documentary, film, and biography of one of the greatest men who ever lived. I cannot put into words how much of a complete piece of work it is. I've seen buy the Ticket Take the Ride, and as good as that one is, this one is just that much better.

My second tattoo is looking like a good piece for the sleeve that I'm building, I figure even if I just do one tattoo a year for each year I'm in college it'll look good by graduation.

ma-halo.

-Bnew

Even the mona lisa is falling apart.