Ivan Drago was a pussy

I'm enjoying the ability to play my netflix instant que through my xbox thanks to the new update, I'm still learning to navigate around it however. In other news. I got my second tatoo done yesterday, I had been planning it for a while and I'm pretty happy with the results. It's Florida, yes, I know the majority of people who get tatoos of florida are amongst the biggest sect of douches on earth, but for this half sleeve im working on to work, I figure the place where I spent the majority of my life would be a good piece to include. although there will be the phillies P and '80 and '08 put on there. other pieces will be added as they become relevent.

Speaking of relevency, what the fuck is up with the sudden obsession over vampires? Suddenly every fucking girl on the planet thinks twilight is the greatest literary undertaking in the history of man. And True Blood? seriously? The only reason to watch it is cause the girl from cloverfield is topless almost the entire time. The rest of it is dribble. Vampires in underworld were awesome cause they were shooting worgen and Kate Beckensdale was one of them. Fuck. I hate how easily bought into things girls are. If I wrote a book that was made into a movie about a girl who was vagina deaf and couldn't feel down there then meets orlando bloom who awakens her sensuality by working with her to overcome her lack of nerve endings down there to culminate in a passionate make out scene where she deep throats him to compensate for her inability to feel, only to start crying and stop fellating him, only to leave him begging for her return of which he works for in the sequel. I just made fifty million dollars.

pee ess- Fuck it, I'm done with the vegetarian thing. Animals are too tasty to give that up, im going to finish off the rest of that food and I'm never looking back.

Ewoks v. Tim Tebow's Knees.....WHO YA GOT??????

I've been playing C&C: Red Alert 3 and I've noticed that I'm only playing it for the cut scenes, and for a video game, the cut scenes have some high profile people, Jenny McCarthy, Tim Curry, George Takei, Gemma Atkinson, J. K. Simmons, Jonathan Price, Kelly Hu, Gina Carano, Ivana Miličević, Randy Coture, and Peter Stormare. Some of those names you're bound to reckognize. Also Left 4 Dead I'm playing nonstop (I'm playing it as I type this with my penis) 4 Player co-op over live is awesome, the game's hit detection could be tweaked a little better though. being thrown out of a building and nearly dying by a huge zombie was one of the coolest things I've ever experienced in a video game.

- Bnew
silent but less than lethal

Sunday Morning Hangover

Making sure I didn't over do it, this what I my shopping list comprised of, 2 XL pizzas from Gumby's, 1 Bottle of Grey goose the 750 mL variety (dive back far enough, grey goose was my first love and will always have a place in my heart, I cuddled with a bottle of it the first night I btought it to a party, that could have been a warning sign.) 1 Bottle of patron silver, which can be substituted for as rocket fuel, along with the soco and amaretto, which wasn't going to be the death of me as I assumed, along with whatever yuengling was left in the house (my estimation was 13) we had a pretty alright pre-game for the let down that was the FSU/ BC game. boo.

Today I still own pretty much all of that alcohol, yuengling excluded.

btw- Waffle House and a tequila sunrise are the answer for a hangover cure.

-Bnew (ish)

space cadet, pull up

The shittiest shit that ever shit

A while ago I was presented with a paper to write for one of my classes, the specifics aren't needed, but it did include Jesus, Call of Duty 4, and Guitar Hero 3. In the story Judas proceeds to Team Kill Jesus in CoD4 to which jesus proclaims "What the fuck judas?". Later he plays Dragonforce- Through Fire and Flames on Guitar Hero 3. (Ironic I Know.) He Fails the song on expert and says "Suck My Taint" before smiting said Guitar Hero Controler. And with those bits in the story the class laughed, except for a few people, two of whom came up to me, the first one was dissapointed that I had been taken over by the evangelicals and wrote a piece on jesus, as if I had become some bible thumping nutjob. The second approached me clearly pissed that I had made fun of jesus, southern female's who happen to be baptists are amongst the most militant human beings one may even encounter. They have the bitch factor on a scale of 1 to 10 adbout 14. Jesus himself is afraid of them. I think it speaks volumes when you're able to piss off people who both adore jesus, and despise him.

-Bnew
do onto others

I hate poorly made electronics

I'm typing this from my apartment complex's computer lab cause my laptop has pretty much died, im not pulling the plug yet, but I am getting a new one tomorrow, a Macbook, so that toshiba sattelite would be my fugly wife that im trading in for Olivia Munn, so, there's that. Alabama had other unforseen consequences, My PSP broke, a PSP that I've had for nearly four years. all things considered, after they remodeled the psp to allow the new ones to use skype, i should have upgraded then, but the sentimental value was there and i didnt wanna replace it, now it has a cracked screen ro fuck that piece of overpriced plastic. I bought the Ratchet and Clank bundle, I remember on my PS2 in the 9th grade I thought Ratchet and Clank was awesome, not GTA3 Awesome Because you could run over hookers and kill hobos in that game. It also came with National Treasure 2 on UMD, I'd like to think sony had some sort of office pool going on at the time with what shitty movie we can get rid of this time (my first psp came with spider-man 2, which in retrospect, spider-man only had one good movie, and those were the italian spiderman movies on youtube) and a voucher for echochrome, which is a pretty awesome perspective baised puzzle game.

-Bnew

a ghost is all that's left

eating cereal with a fork conserves milk

Look, I've come out and said that I'm a very closeted Cardinals fan in the podcast before, but this is inconcieveable. The Buzzsaw might be going in, and the Eagles may very well not. the NFC west excluding the cards has a combined 6-21 record. The Cardinals are 6-3. The Eagles are 5-4 and 4th in the NFC East. I'm speachless.

I don't think I've mentioned on this blog that im in the US Army, and for specific reasons, yet alas, im coming out with it. I had one of those moments when I was in alabama where I thought about damn near everything cause I was that bored. Yes, Sitting on a weapons Range while M249 Squad Automatic weapons are being fired can be boring, if you play it right even you can fall asleep and take a nap. I digress. Today of all days seems right for me to break the silence on that fact. Happy Veterans Day.

-Bnew
how weightless they must be

Alabama Getaways, peanut festivals, and landshark lager

I will tell you this. I've lived in some places that god has forgotten. Missouri, where one morning the sky turned black, not dark rain clouds rolling over, it turned black, as if the rapture was going to fucking occur right there. Alaska, because when 11pm looks like three in the afternoon during the summer, and during the winter it's likght out for about two hours, your state clearly has something fucked up with it, not to mention a hockey mom govenor. And now I can add to that list Alabama, where it rained all afternoon to have the tempreture drop all the way down to 31 degrees outside at night, oh yeah, it was still raining either. close to the florida-bama border there is something called the peanut festival, but it's really a fucking fair, don't let them lie to you, you can get all the boiled peanuts you want there, it's actually kindof cool. it's like a prelude to the SoFl Fair in January. I've grown to appreciate Land shark Lager, it presents me with the thought to tangibily drink a light beer and actually have it taste like beer. It's not repalcing yuengling. me and joe ( All the Heroin on Tamarand) are adamant about our beers, I like to think that's cause we're a couple of drunks who do nothing with their lives other than drink, flirt with women, and have pretty sweet adventures, now that i think about it, we're alcohol fuled superheroes.

-Bnew
no one on the corner has swagger like us

it's all fun and games untill you introduce the topic of anal

Women.

Women are a funny abstract concept. At first glance they have boobs, and boobs are awesome. they also contain the ability to turn raw food into something I can eat. Which is also awesome. often times they often smell better than you and if you play your cards right your sheets can wind up having that same scent. Play 'em wrong, and they'll smell exactly like hand lotion. you walk a fine line when you're around them, at all times the things you say, the way you say them, the way you position your body when you said them, if you've said them while clean shaven, if the tip of your penis poking out of the top of your pants when you've said them, all of these things are being calculated the very same way a major league manager calculates his starting line up.

At the front are the sure things, in baseball you want a leadoff guy with a high batting average, the same when you're talking to girls, if you use a overused pickup line that's like drag bunting right to the pitcher, you've failed and you shold be beaten when you head back to the dugout, maybe someone has already gone a head and spit their dip out in your glove.

In the middle are your power hitters, you want to hit a home run with whatever it his you've got here, a ground rule double might get you a handjob though. dont swing too hard and strike out thought, although, if you're Ryan Howard you more than likley will, or hit right into a shift and cause a double play, causing you and one of your friends not to get laid.

The last few batters are there for asthetic reasons, they might produce a hit here and there, might even get a few runs in, after all, it was Pedro Feliz who hit in the game winning RBI for the phillies in the world series, not Chase Utley, and look at that guy, any number of women want to have sex with him on any given night.

so there you have it. Women are a lot like major league managers, their job is so easy that they even had player-managers in the 70's and 80's being a manager I can imagine is a lot like being the night shift manager at a grocrey store. sure, you're put in charge, but your job is basically done for you. All you gotta do is make sure timmy in the deli section isn't playing bologna hammer again and your job is safe for at least four or five years. (unless you're willy randolph, they'll just stop scheduling you and wont give you a straight reason why).

-Bnew

they said they saw it coming

Rays fans and now republicans can eat my balls

Well, there was an election or something last night. I was unaware. I was too busy stuffing my face at buffalo wild wings with my two american roommates and their girlfriends to notice (The canadian roommate was too busy tending to his vagina and making a really dumb case for obama, I was the one who actually voted for him and I felt like hitting him square in the throat). But apparently people felt it was neciessary to have a god damn parade the second obama was announced president. Look, I voted for the guy, but let's not go crazy now, that's why we made fun of republicans for the past eight years, they we're the ones who looked crazy. we're on the verge of fucking this one up already because we're getting just a little ahead of ourselves, we still gotta wait till january 20th for him to be the official president, we still gotta wait for the other one to finish out his term first.

I'm also trying something new personally, Meat is fucking expensive, and buying fake meat is sketchy, I dont know how many romanians turned it down before it was made into a hot pocket, and im pretty sure chinese food has newspaper in it. so, im experimenting. cause what better place than college than to do it. I'm not calling myself a vegetarian, I'm just not eating meat for a trial period and will resume doing so at a time of my choosing. Essentially I'm Lindsay Lohan.
-Bnew
you know they don't speak to me, the irony is they wont speak with me

Why I feel like stabbing everyone within a 300 mile radius

PoFlaWa, or as normal people know it political flame war, Personally I'm a democrat, but im not rabid enough like Keith Olberman to ram it down everyone's throats. I hate every one today. Oh, you mean there's an election today? Really, I hadn't noticed. My usuall routine of mouthbreathing and wading in my own shit kindof prevented me from knowing that. Facebook has become the most annoying place on earth, between all the political statuses and people sending I heart Obama/McCain gifts. Die. I appreciate the fact that my friends voted, but I remember when that shit was private, you know, so I wouldn't have to constantly hear about it. Everyone who has read a Huffington Post article or a Washington post piece and formed an opinion off of that needs to jump off a balcony.

BNew
Today I didnt even have to use my a.k. I got to say it was a good day.

the neckbeard strikes back

Well, im back from West Palm, the obligatory family visit has concluded rather uneventfully, I saw my new "nephew" I put quotation marks around nephew cause he's not really my nephew. he's my cousin once removed to be more accurate, but because my older cousin and I grew up together, I consider him my nephew. His father and I drank Michelob Celebration vanilla beer, it tasted to me like tree bark but contained 10% alcohol, so I can't conplain, we also split a 6-pack of Budwiser american ale, not bad, but not great. it's also filled with lies seeing as how budwiser isn't exactly an american product anymore. and I dont want my beer lying to me, which is why I don't drink Sam Adams anymore, that man has been dead for over two hundred years, no way he's still brewing ale. suck my dick, boston.

Speaking of people who can suck my dick, everyone in florida who suddenly became Rays fans in the past month and has already subsuquently forgotten they exist over the course of four days. And double fuck you to the twelve people who chuckle to themselves and say "guess you saw the world series and you're a phillies fan now" or something to that extent. listen fucktasters, just because it's common place in this state to like a team for the two weeks they show promise at winning a title and then forgetting all about them, doesnt mean im one of your idiotic mouthbreathing friends or relatives who only pays attention to sports cause that team may win. I'm 20, the last time the phillies won a World Series was 1980, a whole eight years before I was alive, so please, forgive me if im excited that my hometown team trounced a team you pretend you liked inorder to feel better about yourself.

Fuck I hate you.

-Bnew
I've been waiting for this moment all my life, but it's not quite right