Episode 3- Soap on a Rope

On today's show I talk about forced intercourse, Mike Singletatry, Douchebags, Ludacris, and I exclaim Why Can't Us?

Soap on a rope.mp3

Episode 2- Chips and salsa

we discuss how dumb jay cutler is, phillies-rays pitching, starcraft 2 getting fucked up, and porn. yay amurrica!

chips and salsa.mp3

Episode one

podcast.mp3

hungover podcast

yep, im jumping on that bandwagon, im going to be doing a podcast here shortly, where I discuss anything related to me and how awesome i am, please be patient and prepare your ears for the smooth styling of yours truly.

33% coffee 25% yuengling lager 17% pepperoni pizza 9% piss 7% IBprofuen 5% hot dogs 3% vinegar 1% optimisim

Well, operation sell out to MTV isnt going too well, I guess when you're one of about half a million random people trying to get a slot on a TV show that throws "six complete strangers in a house where they stop being polite and start getting real." stop that shit for a second. Politeness goes out the window when you life with five other people? I live with three other people so I guess I'm lucky. But that tagline never sat well with me. I know what the produces of the show are doing, they're making TV worth watching, if I were on that show you wouldn't wanna watch me type in my blog and play halo 3 all day and then fall asleep on the couch while watching major league 2. That's about as realistic it gets for me. No, they want to see drama and hookups, americans have always been vouyeristic to an extent, I dont wanna see the tape of Jessica Alba giving birth, but I would wanna see a tape of her at a beach and her boob pops out.

I never thought of this but selling stuff is all about who can pull off the biggest lie without lying, Last night I did the late night sales for pizza (translation: I have no life to speak of and when presented with the option of making some money at the cost of my sleep and own plans with friends I may have already made) so yes, my social live is thriving thank you very much!

I'm loving october, phills in the world series, Halloween, beer (even though that's a year round thing), and it getting cooler outside makes for a awesome time all around.

-Bnew
Your brain is magic city, your nose is atlanta

Riding high on the wave of euphoria

Funny, that. The Phillies are a mere one game away from the world series, all my life being a fan of Philadelphia area sports teams has been a crutch that gets kicked from under me, This decade though has shown promise to seemingly every team in the area, with the Eagles being the most successful team this decade, seemingly winning everything but a superbowl, The Flyers going from the worst team in the NHL to going all the way to the eastern confrence finals last season, the Soul winning the arena bowl, and now the Fightin Phils one cole hamels start away from a world series, our first since 1993. This city is so ready for one of our major sports teams to win a title, I dont know what will happen if we actually do.

I just realized how much I enjoy comic books again, this faux world where anything is possible makes things pretty interesting, Iron Man in my opinion is a better movie to enjoy than The Dark Knight, girls only enjoyed that movie for Heath Ledger being so dark and had he not died I doubt they would have even noticed it at all. Stand back and ask yourself exactly what went on in that movie. Christian Bale made batman into this whiny pussified version of Bruce Wayne that never occured in the comics, Robert Downey Jr. played Tony Stark flawlessly. Terrance Howard was even good in his protrayal of James Rhodes who eventually dawns a suit like Tony's and becomes War Machine, even though that doesnt occur in the movie it is illuded to. What im saying is Marvel knows how to have fun with their movie franchises, something DC is yet to catch onto, Comics are meant to be enjoied, not make you contemplate how you felt before you saw this movie and the ramifications it has on reallife, because when you do that you miss the key word in Comic books, the word that signifies these are not to be taken seriously and to let you sit back and enjoy what it is you're experiencing. Comic.

-Bnew

Cash rules everything around me

Coke Zero for the masses

"If you aint making a lot of mistakes, you aint making a lot of decisions"
-David Banner

Truer words were never spoken, The phillies got beat up and mugged out in LA, and I didn't even watch the whole thing anymore, I can't Grampy Moyer got five runs off of him in the 1st inning, way to be clutch in a contract year old man, now I know what it's like to endure a gang rape. Ive been a recluse this weekend, i think ive physically gone outside to get the mail, walk to albertsons, and grill my steak, and that's it, the other 45 hours of the weekend were spent in my living room drinking yuengling I took from work, or in my room sleeping. This week in the NFL was pretty awesome, Redkins and cowboys both lost to shitty teams, and my eagles narrowly avoided the same ate before J.T. O'sullivan made the campaign for the niners to draft Tim Tebow, but losing to the cardinals and rams is almost grounds to be redacted to the CFL.

Well, back to me talking about how I'm wasting my life these days, halo 3, now, while the game is over a year old now, I still find myself playing it, either grifball or matchmaking, but last night, myself and three of my friends undertook a grand venture in said game, the Vidmaster: annual achievement, Finish the campaign on Legendary Difficulty with the Iron Skull ( a game modfier that whenever a teammate dies the game reverts to the last checkpoint) with everyone in ghosts. sounds easy enough right? fuck no, this took us nearly four hours. this is my second vidmaster achievement, and I'm looking forward to november 7th so I can get my third one, and I'm gonna have to wait out untill the mythic map pack becomes avaliable to get the fourth and final one and get whatever reward Bungie has promised us.

-Bnew
I ain't here to break it, just see how far it will bend

A Death In the Family, or why I shaved off my neckbeard

well, yes, I was a huge advocate of the facial hair made famous by bears QB Kyle Orton, but alas, outside forces have made it quite obvious that the neckbeard has to go. The process, or surgery if you will, took roughly 15 minuets, to shave my fucking face keep in mind. I'm gonna miss the old Paul Bunyan, that is until the next one grows back in two weeks.

Anyone else think the songs in Rock Band 2 are kind of lame? I mean, there are some good songs, but it's heavy on stuff I don't feel like playing over and over again in the same sitting, I liked Rock Band a lot more than Guitar Hero 3, but this is a case where they took something that wasnt broke and fucking obliterated it.

The guys over at Bungie thought it would be a good idea to release a teaser trailer for their "next game" which is really nothing more than an expansion for halo 3's campaign, but the icing on the cake is the teaser trailer is alluding to a game that wont even be out untill next fall. Next fall. awesome, can I get those new maps now so I can rig your new achievements please?

-Bnew
mornings over, the day is in full swing

I just...wow.....

Sometimes being from the greatest city in the USA backfires, like, right here, Hockey mom is dropping the puck tomorrow at the Bailout center (it's really the wachovia center, but the new mets stadium is gonna be called the citi center, so fuck that.) The Phillies won, again, Brad Lidge continues to raise my blood pressure during the ninth, but he remains perfect on the year with 48 saves. Chase utley was walked four times. four times. Brett Meyers, when he wasn't busy hitting his wife in the face, had three hits, for three RBIs and two runs. Moving to the Eagles Donovan is mad, and well, I would be too, he has called his own preformance latley embarrising, and with the 49ers coming into town, it's the perfect shit team to let out some fustration at having a 2-3 record with, Westbrook or not, Hell, Reggie brown is even out so that means we get DeSean and the guy who's banging a girl next door.

I've been drinking a lot of Yuengling latley, let me rephraise that, my beer intake is the same, but Yuengling seems to be the primary pallet quencher. If you know me, beer is somehting I take somewhat seriously, and to those of you who know me there is very little I take seriously. Beer is one of them, my tastes on it have been noted in the past and I'm not gonna lie, I enjoy trying new beers inorder to find my favorite one. It could be the philly bias I have, It could be because my work serves it and it is leaps and bounds better than corona, Bud Light, Miller Light and Coors Light, Could be because I can drink three of them, watch a Phils game and feel on top of the world, But Yuengling has become my new favorite for the moment.

-Bnew
yeah, we killed it, we killed it all night

I'm naming my son Chase Ryan Newton

After Chase Utley and Ryan Howard, the 2nd and 1st basemen for the Philadelphia phillies, who won game one of the NLCS tonight thanks to Utley's 2 Run homer and Pat "The Bat" Burrell's home run single in the sixth. Life is good for the moment.

Also, I sold 16 pizzas in front of the strip tonight, a place that has a deal with ANOTHER pizza place, I can sell a ketchup flavored popsickle to a lady wearing white gloves. Seriously, your experience with me may vary, but four beers in and a phillies win will turn me into the most perfect version of myself as I can get.

-BNew

mark my words, we're taking over the world

Terms of Service My Johnson

Thank you Google for flagging my blog as spam, thanks to you I missed out on love blogging the debate and missing out on my stories of selling pizza's outside potbelly's, a bar in Tallahassee that is infamous for being a douche and soroislut hangout. (delta delta delta, how may I help ya?) Anyway, Phils are in the NLDS. But the Flyers are having hockey mom drop the puck at their home opener. Ugh.

As for the booze portion of this blog, Yuengling and Sam Adams and fresh Pizza from Three Guys is what I've been fuled on this past week, last night was pllenty entertaining seeing one of the female servers come in plastered as I'm cutting pizzas to sell and trying to "show me how to do it" resulting in her essentially punching a pizza I just pulled out of the over to burn her forefingers and making my pizza look like Michale J. Fox cut it. Thanks. me and the other cook were laughing at you when you left.

-Bnew

right from the very start I knew this day would come

MNF Recap: Ed Hoculi should never be allowed to Ref again- UPDATE

If I've learned anything in two decades it's this: Ref's don't know shit. Bad calls are a part of the game, they happen, you just gotta move on. But when a ref blows two fumble calls in one game, not to mention one earlier in the year, he should be reevaluated. Right away. The guy has made questionable calls all season long and is clearly slipping. But as for the game itself, you know the vikings are a shitty team when your opponent fumbles four times and spots you 17 points and you still win by a fucking field goal. Kim Kardashian was surly having sex with Darren McFadden during the third quarter after she had put all of Reggie Bush's shit in a little box and placed it outside her door. Brad Childress shouldn't be an NFL Head Coach, there I said it, he wasn't good at calling plays for the eagles back when he was their offensive coordinator, he's even worse as a head coach, if you have Adrian Peterson, and he only manages to get 32 yards off 21 carries, I think you hand it over to a kid who's been playing madden for the past four years, he seems more qualified than you. Sean Peyton isn't much of a coach either, sure he's got the best Quarterback that no one is talking about in Drew Brees, but he also decided to go for an onside kick in the first quarter. I really dont think those even work anymore. Tavaris Jackson should give up as well, when the guy who headbutted a wall is doing a better job than you. I think it's time to call it a career. Tony Kornheiser, when did you start calling the game from your living room? I swear, I want Bob Uecker from Major League up there, If I wanted to hear a blowjob festival being preformed on Brett Farve, Peyton Manning, and Tom Brady, I'd listen to Jon Madden and Peter King, You sir, are not them, and quite frankly, are a sham.

-Bnew

I'm living in a dream


UPDATE- oh yeah, that fumble clearly negates a facemask, way to call em ed.

emo hair, don't care

Well, I did it, I opened up a netflix account, well, I only opened it because with the Xbox360's new update you can watch your instant queue on it, but I think I've built up a solid list of movies to watch already.

1. Natural Born Killers
2. Oceans Eleven
3. Iron Man
4. Cool Hand Luke
5. Weeds: season 1
6. Blade Runner
7. Full Metal Jacket
8. Rambo: First Blood
9. Predator
10. The Dirty Dozen
11. Belly
12. Purple Rain
13. Bullitt
14. Psych: Season 1
15. Psych: Season 2
16. Boiler Room
17. Dr. Strangelove
18. War, Inc.
19. Heathers
20. Star Wars: Clone Wars
21. Seven
22. Heroes: Season 1
23. Heroes: Season 2
24. Smiley Face
25. Where The Buffalo Roam
26. Thank You For Smoking

Those are all films I think every one should see at least once in their life, a lot of those up there are classics, and some of them are simply personal favorites, even a guilty pleasure, but fuck you I like them so blow me.

-Bnew

keep running your mouth

Your Mom Is A Classy Lady

Alright, time to get political, people who know me will say my view on life has been slightly slanted to the left, I'm an Obama Supporter, there I said it, I like watching Tina Fey impersonate the GOP vice presidential candidate, I'm having a hard time deciding which I'd rather masturbate to, I think four more years of the same republican party won't be doing our economy any favors, and those are just my own thoughts on the matter, I could give a shit less about most other issue cause quite frankly they dont effect me, but im a staunch believe in "to each his own" so as long as it isnt hurting me directly, I'm gonna support whatever makes you happy as a human being, so gays keep on keepin on, and ladies you can have all the abortions you want, cause who am I to say, A hetero male, what a homoesxual person or a woman can do with their lives? I know that people nowadays are becoming increasingly aware of the world around them, and as have I, I dont like what i see and I'm rallying behind that buzzword that the Democratic party is using: Change.

-Bnew

I could end this a million ways

how to be awesome, or failing that, adequate

Well, this week, I'm gonna go a head and get this out of the way, Men drink beer, plain and simple, women can too, I have absolutely nothing against that, matter of fact I encourage girls to drink, but there are ulterior motives for that,drunk girls let their inhibitions go and make it easier for you to sleep with them.

yep. I'm that guy.

anyway, as anyone can tell you there are a lot of different kinds of beers, Lagers, ales, pilsners, and even more varieties in those three styles themselves, but beer to the average college student boiles down to what is cheap and what can get me drunk really fast and provide me with means to have a lot of it so my cheap friends can get drunk with my cheap ass? While this thought process is good incertain situations that same thought can also be the bane of your existance if your beer experience never ventures away from Busch Light, Natty Light and Bud Light.

So, I feel it is my duty to explain to you the joys of beer tasting and learning that beer is so much more than a means to an end.

Miller High Life- If you're like me and you're boarderline poor, this is your best option for a quality beer that doesnt taste like piss, vinegar and motor oil. There's nothing special about it, however it does lack a serious shit taste factor that so many other cheep beers does.

Yuengling- Now, Philly bias aside, Yuengling is a bargin for the price it's bottled at, this smooth lager is the choice of many Eagle and Phillies fans for drinking while enjoying a game.

Blue Moon- Now while putting fruit in beer is often frowned upon it is almost necessary to put an orange peel in this beer to get the perfect flavor from it.

IPA Pale Ale- India ale isnt actually from India, it was made by english settlers to withstand the long trip to india by boat, now that history lesson aside, IPA may have some wierd names for it's beer but all of them are sure winners.

Sam Adams- now this list hasnt been any suprises so far, MOST of sam adams' brews are pretty good, but there are some of those you gotta avoid, i suggest getting the brewmaster pack at least once and experimenting and seeing what beers you dont like.

Brooklin Lager- now here's one that not a lot of people know of, it's brewed in the old pre-prohibition style ways, very smooth with a flavorful after taste, goes great with some pizza from 3 guys

Lonestar Beer- THE official beer of texas, this pale lager is great for going out and BBQing

Kirin Lager- beer and seafood seldom goes very well together, but this is a huge exception, Kirin is Japan's oldest beer and it's longevity can be attributed to it's great taste, having a salmon fillet and Kirin is one of the tastiest experiences you'll even encounter.

I explain Week 5 in the NFL

Well, hats off to FOX and CBS for forcing me to sit through a couple of shitty games. The only one worth watching was that Dolphins Chargers one yesterday, and that was the first game of the day i got to watch, so the rest of the day was shit capped off by A Day to Remember and New Found Glory at Beta bar, with The International Superheros of Hardcore, Four Years Strong, and Crime in Stereo. all and all a good show.


Since when are the Redskins good? They're the perennial Joke team (if there was one) in the NFC East, not the hottest team in football at the moment, look dolphins fans, you beat the chargers and a brady-less patriots, but the redskins beat the Cowboys and Eagles, a feat you've never done in one season.


The Colts should thank god that Sage Rosenfields is a shitty QB, otherwise they would have lost that game. The Giants put up 44 points on the Seahawks, and no one is talking about them, again. My neckbeard and I are proud of Kyle Orton throwing for over 300 yards, then again it was against Detroit so the argument could be made of "who hasnt thrown over 300 yards on them?" And The Kansas City Chiefs put up a whopping 0 points on the Carolina Panthers. The AFC leading Bills lost to the Arizona Cardinals, as a sometime buzzsaw fan that made me smile a little when they scored 41 points on them.


so, out of those piles of heaping piles of suck, who did it the worst? well, The Chiefs hands down, but they were my suck-off winner last week, so I'm gonna give it to the bills, a team that struggled to score 17 points on a team that last week allowed the cumslinger to throw 6 passing touchdowns on their D. way to go Bills, way to prove you were nothing more than a product of hype and an easy opening schedule.

Same as it ever was

Well, here is where it starts, another blog launched by yours truly. Not only will I be covering the usual sports games, but I'll also cover movies I'm seeing, TV I'm watching, books I'm reading, and anything else I find necessary to be put up here, so sit back, and enjoy what is sure to be a drunken exercise in futility.