so, your last name isn't penisberg?

A: no, it is not.

ladies and gentlemen I submit for your approval: The 2008 Monday Morning Hangover Year in review.

Best Discovery (overall discoveries category)-  Apple Macbook. Look, all my life I've ben a mac user. true story. and the new generation of macbook is all I want out of a laptop and more, ample processor speed(2.0 ghz) , lot of storage space (250 gb), and plenty of memory (4gb). not to mention apple's user friendly UI makes for good times all around.

Worst Discovery(overall discoveries category) - Alabama Slammers- even on paper they sound bad. Souther Comfort and Amaretto. here, take my throat and shove shit down it, asking for one of those at a bar makes you look like a freshman sorority girl at tuscaloosa.

Best show- A Day To Remember and New Found Glory- NFG started out as a hardcore band so i guess this makes sense to have them play together, these two bands were each #2 in my book of favorite bands during high school and middle school respectively. NFG plays such a long set and they're pretty cool to their fans and ADTR and I are acquaintances and I like both of their albums so for the only show i went to, it wins by default.

Worst Show- A Day to Remember and New Found Glory- Look, for what was cool at that show, in retrospect, never play live as the International SuperHeroes of Hardcore ever again. And Four Years Strong are massholes so fuck them just on principle.

Best Book I Read- Men With Balls: The handbook on how to become a Pro Athlete by Drew Magary.  The book is a parody of what it is to be a pro athlete and made me glad I passed up football scholarships to play at UFC and FIU. (ed note: but not by much.)

Gayest Music I started listening to this year- Jesse McCartney. I used to make fun of my sister for liking him when "beautiful soul" came outback in '04 now it's '08 and i know almost every word to leaving. fuck me.

Top Albums of '08

1. Oracular Spectacular - MGMT. mix one parts the format and one parts Circa Survive and you have a CD I listen to almost nonstop. The Lyrical content of Time to Pretend is almost the theme song to The MMH.

2. Universal Mind Control- Common. Common is awesome first and foremost. and with appearances by pharrell, Kanye, and Cee-Lo only make this CD even more awesome.

3. Paper Trail- TI. This CD has more guest appearances than I care for but Live your Life and swagger like us are catchy. I play swing ya rag when I work out a lot too.

4. 808's and Heartbreak- Kanye West. Kevin Pereria is right. a simple beat and auto tune makes anything a chart hit.

5. In Rainbows- Radiohead. look. December 28 '07 might as well be 2008. and even so, it was still better than pretty much everything put out this year.

Hero of the year (non-sports category)- Hunter S. Thompson. He is and always will be my personal hero. He wasn't afraid of anything except himself. The new documentary on his life aptly titled Gonzo is one of the best films ever. period.

Asshat of the year (non-sports category) Bernard Madoff. for not sharing with me. oh and for being the epitome of greed and shitheadedness.

Hero(s) of the year sports category- The 2008 World Series Champion Philadelphia Phillies. I'm gonna let Chutley do the talking for me

Asshats of the year Sports category- The Dallas Cowboys. Well, lets see. Jerry Jones convinced HBO to make a mini series of training camp, Signed Roy Williams and Pacman Jones, then proceeded to implode culminating in a 44-6 loss to my beloved Eagles. god. this was an awesome year in sports for me.

Beer of the Year- Yuengling. Bias aside. no other $11 beer satisfies you quite like the first american lager. 

Worst beer of the year- Wild Blue. Blue colored shitwater. tastes like Jay Cutler's piss.

Quote of the year- "oh and what about you, a little stewie headed baby raking his parents shag carpet, you know why you did that? so all the fibers went in the same direction, that is type A OCD Brad."

Best Aim convo: Joe" that is saved on my computer as instant stress relief"

Brad:"what do you know, so is this"

Joe: I less than three eve lawrence

Brad: "see, in my mind she looks surprised cause i've just walked in on her in the bathroom and im in a three point stance about to rape her"

Best overall thing of 2008:

Joe Costa (swallowing my cum)

But really though, The phillies winning the world series. better than anything else really.

Ma-Halo

-Bnew

conversations with my RTO

now, those avid readers I have know I'm in the United States Army. these are the convos I had with my Ratio/Telephone Operator Blake "domino" Dominello

Domino: "brad can you hand me that pencil with the eraser still on it? these coax connectors are sucking up the dust"

Me:"domino watch that grid pin connector next to the Blue Force Tracker"

D:"roger that big gay brad"

M:"I would hate to lose our SATCOM UHF antenna"

D:"yeah, it is fucking sweet"

M:"the era of VHF concentric nitric warfare is finally over, falcon view anytime we need it"

D:"actually falcon view is civilian version, like over the counter."

M:"you mean off the shelf?"

D:"yeah, i said that"

M:"no, you didn't"

D:"yeah, i did, i just used a poor choice of words, I meant to say off the shelf, fuck, I wanna install speakers in here, play some GG allin"

M:"domino, are you breaking my no country policy again?"

D:"what? are you kidding me? GG allin was the original punk rocker, he believed killing people should be legalized, he was fucking awesome"

M:"well, we don't have speakers. frankly I'm glad. don't you remember, the United States Soldier is swift silent and deadly"

D:"what about swift silent and stoned? we should get some hash chunks for your hookah"

M:"what? why do you even say do that stupid shit? you don't even do drugs?"

D:"how do you even know"

M:"cause like me, you were on the debate team in high school, no one on the debate team gets high or laid"

D:"i just don't see the facts on what you're basing this off of"

M:"we both know you were a virgin until after Leonard Wood, I was there remember? the stripper in Leonard wood?"

D:"oh, come on, you're not even using the pertinent facts here, we're having a fucking professional debate, she just grabbed me at the door when we were leaving, it's not like I asked for it, if memory serves, you hit it too"

M:"even if you're claiming you were raped you were still a virgin till after AIT"

D:"oh, and what about you, a little stewie headed baby raking his parents shag carpet in his house, you did that so all of the fibers went in the same direction, that is type A OCD."

M:"I DID IT FUCKING ONCE DOMINO"

D:"you know, you're so cute when you're angry"

so, there it is, a glimpse into the minds of two soldiers, more to follow.

Ma-Halo

-Bnew

mappy molidays

So visiting family in SoFl means I can't drink nearly as much as I do up in Tallahassee. See, Beer for me has become something I look forward to throughout the day. Helps time go by faster. when I should be paying attention to lessons on Kerouac and Faulkner, I'm really thinking about how heavily I'm going to be drinking. Now living back in West Palm Beach requires me to, you know, think of ways to make my day more entertaining rather than having a six pack and letting nature run it's course. However, without what I consider the catalyst to what makes me a more entertaining person and not the shell of a man you hear about here, I've been having a increasingly harder time restraining myself from throwing a chair through a sliding glass window to vent my frustrations. I'm looking forward to christmas and more specifically getting stuff for christmas. I'll admit it, I love free shit that I don't have to pay for. Paying rent and other bills has made my lifestyle a lot less fun than when I was on active duty and in high school when I didn't have to worry about that. Now it's down to making life decisions at the cost of fun. Residing in a college town with a small job market is pretty much the worst way to make a living.  Oh well, I'm home for three weeks and I get to free load.

Ma-Halo

-Bnew

o hai

Well, the past few days have been exhausting. I have new beer in my life,  Joe thinks I'm gay for trying fruited beer. It's sea dog, I got the sampler pack my justification in the matter is that I'm sampling beers to get that experienced beer drinker status. the desk in my room has beer bottles lined from end to end, I do not think i have a problem. In the past week I've sampled the following beers:

-Sea Dog Wild Blueberry Wheat Ale: Tasted like blueberry muffins. If I could have two of these for breakfast every morning, I would.

-Sea Dog Apricot Wheat Beer: it smelled fucking amazing. that's about where the compliments end. It was bland taste wise and I wouldn't ever consider drinking it again. but isn't this the point of this experiment?

-Sea Dog Raspberry Wheat Ale: This was the last beer I sampled in the sea dog pack, but it was my favorite, the flavor was present and I enjoyed drinking this semi-sweet beer. Would be awesome for a hot summer afternoon.

-Flying Dog Woody Creek White: This Belgian styled wit beer was very light but retained flavor nicely. Another beer that would have been better served on a summer afternoon at a baseball game or BBQing 

-Flying Dog Snake Dog IPA- Like most IPAs this one was pretty bitter. Also it having 7% alcohol might have helped me drink it. I was watching the Flyers game the other night and it served as the perfect hockey watching brew.

-Flying Dog In Heat Wheat Hefeweizen-  Wheat Beer seems to be a trend here. This german styled beer was sweet and had a honey like taste to it, very awesome.

-Flying Dog Old Scratch Amber Lager- Bold, Rich and flavorful. I enjoyed this game as I was eating a burger I grilled and it paired up perfectly, perfect for watching a game on sunday.

-Flying Dog Tire Bite Golden Ale- another beer that's pretty light, you could easily drink a six pack and not feel much I'm convinced

-Flying Dog Doggie Style Classic Pale Ale- all around pretty good, very balanced, could drink this with a meal and be satisfied.

-Blue Dog Wild Blue Blueberry Lager- pure shit. poured a purplish color that was a little off putting, when I drank it I forgot it was beer and I thought I was drinking shitty wine. very syrupy and sweet. In a bad way.

I wouldn't mind drinking half of those beers again, my favorites were the Sea Dog Raspberry and the Flying Dog Amber Lager. hooray for being a drunken loser!

-Ma-halo

Bnew

never, never ever ever get wild blue confused with any of the flying dog beers.

I made the misfortune of purchasing a six pack of wild blue the other day. My brain thought it was something it already wasn't. The beer, if you can really call it that, tastes like sugary syrup. When you pour it into a glass it has a purplish color and a violet head that fades rapidly. it's more like one of the shittiest wines you will ever drink cause the gimmick of this beer is that it's Blueberry beer. Blueberries = good. Beer = awesome. blueberry beer = epic fail. fuck my life.

Although I did manage to correct this mistake by buying the sample pack by wild dog, 2 beers each of their varieties, a crew brew version of sam adams that's even better in my opinion. As we speak im drinking their "Doggystyle" pale ale and I'm impressed. 

Ma-halo

-Bnew

MMH 1 - AtHoT 0

Brad- http://tinyurl.com/2w4apm

Joe- You're an asshole.

Brad- win

I gotta have me my boats n hoes

this is where the funny goes.

Athletes say and do the darndest things

I'm sure we've all heard of the Plaxico Burress situation. Plaxico brings a loaded .40 Glock into a club, places said glock in his pants, glock slides down, he reaches to adjust it, weapon discharges, hilarity ensues. According to plaxico he was never shot. No, The victim would be a gentleman named Harris Smith, who was shot outside a Applebees. Plax has now been suspended for the Gnats final four games and now faces two felony charges. His teammate Antonio Pierce, who was with him on said night, now faces questioning from NYC police, and the doctor who failed to file a police report on said incident, has been suspended from his hospital. NY Mayor Michael Bloomberg has said that Plax should be tried to the fullest extent of the law and any leniency would be a outrage. See you in three years plax.

Dallas Stars Center Sean Avery has been suspended indefinitely for comments he made towards Calgary Flames player Dion Phaneuf claiming that 

                                                                                         "I just want to comment on how it's like become a common thing in the NHL for guys to fall in love with my slppy seconds. "

                                              Way to go sean. you're suspended until the commish decides to speak to you, I'm sure he's in a huge rush to get to one douchenozzle player when he's got an entire league with financial problems to run. Although, that comment could actually be pointed at any number of players as cuthbert is what hockey fans call a "puck bunny"

Fucking A. Do pro athletes even have a clue anymore? I think it's awesome when Chase Utley drops an F-Bomb in front of an sell-out crowd, but at least he's likable. The NHL is in a sad state where they need a public identity, but one who falls under the same degree of likability as Terrell Owens. I guess I should have been a Pro athlete. I talk out of my ass and underperform just about every day. Give me $80 mil.

Ma-Halo

-Bnew

you're a god amongst ants

We're the dumbest generation. ever.

There is something to be said for my generation, more specifically those of us who aren't the type to pay money to enter a club where unless you're of age the chances of you having an actual good time are greatly reduced. Those of us who invite friends over and get drunk in the comfort of our own homes know how to be people. The others. Those pawns in the rat race that is growing up in the new america don't appreciate what lies in front of them. AJ's Sports bar/Club in tallahassee has an outdoor deck that is commonly used as a night club, now, while that club is separated by a blockbuster, and a major road in here in town, I can hear that fucking thing every night as I try to either write or sleep. The urge for me to throw a fucking grenade into that place rises every night. The only thing slowing me down is not knowing where I could procure one. Clubs are vastly overrated, why sure, I will pay $6 for a drink I can make my self at home for $2. $100 for a bottle of Grey Goose? What a bargain! Now, I'm not saying we should all become hermits and just drink ourselves into oblivion by ourselves on a tuesday afternoon. no. I'm saying think long and hard next time you're at a club. Why are you there? Are you having fun yet? Ladies, having a guy mash his groin and you grind on him what you call "dancing" is really just a thinly veiled metaphor for sex can't be a rousing night for you. Can it? If it is start your career in porn now. Guys, paying for everything sounds so awesome right? a $8 cover if you're under 21 (maybe $5 if you're over) then paying far out the ass for drinks when you know you'd rather be drinking beer is so much better. Somewhere future senators are paying $8 for a jager bomb and another $6 for Shanaynay's Long Island Iced Tea. We're fucked.

Ma-Halo

-BNew 

you'll never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy 

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro

Well, Thanksgiving for the Lewis clan is always unique, and this year my nephew was present for his first ever feast. West Palm will always hold a unique place in my heart, as long as I have family down there anyway, It's more sprawled out than Tallahassee, but there is even less to do there. While there I participated in the annual madness that is black friday. I purchased a few movies and a game for my new macbook. not the hugest purchases ever, but sufficient enough. 

It seems that once baseball season ended Professional sports got a lot less interesting for me. The NFL is in a down year. Boring. The NBA will never achieve the status it once had in the 80's and mid 90's. Players are no longer athletes but brands. The NHL is all but forgotten to the majority of americans, hockey itself is held just above soccer in regards to most people. College Football seems to be the last bastion of entertainment this winter. The cluster fuck that is the BCS has placed Oklahoma above Texas, Texas also beat Oklahoma earlier this year. go figure. Our president-elect has also called for a college football playoff, will it happen? sure, keep some of the games as bowls but have them count as playoff games, and keep the BCS title game as is. Problem solved. So what if USC plays in both the Rose Bowl and the Sugar Bowl? Those historical events are only kept around to generate sponsorship revenue for the NCAA anyway.

Gonzo: the life and work of Dr. Hunter S. Thompson is a great documentary, film, and biography of one of the greatest men who ever lived. I cannot put into words how much of a complete piece of work it is. I've seen buy the Ticket Take the Ride, and as good as that one is, this one is just that much better.

My second tattoo is looking like a good piece for the sleeve that I'm building, I figure even if I just do one tattoo a year for each year I'm in college it'll look good by graduation.

ma-halo.

-Bnew

Even the mona lisa is falling apart.

Ivan Drago was a pussy

I'm enjoying the ability to play my netflix instant que through my xbox thanks to the new update, I'm still learning to navigate around it however. In other news. I got my second tatoo done yesterday, I had been planning it for a while and I'm pretty happy with the results. It's Florida, yes, I know the majority of people who get tatoos of florida are amongst the biggest sect of douches on earth, but for this half sleeve im working on to work, I figure the place where I spent the majority of my life would be a good piece to include. although there will be the phillies P and '80 and '08 put on there. other pieces will be added as they become relevent.

Speaking of relevency, what the fuck is up with the sudden obsession over vampires? Suddenly every fucking girl on the planet thinks twilight is the greatest literary undertaking in the history of man. And True Blood? seriously? The only reason to watch it is cause the girl from cloverfield is topless almost the entire time. The rest of it is dribble. Vampires in underworld were awesome cause they were shooting worgen and Kate Beckensdale was one of them. Fuck. I hate how easily bought into things girls are. If I wrote a book that was made into a movie about a girl who was vagina deaf and couldn't feel down there then meets orlando bloom who awakens her sensuality by working with her to overcome her lack of nerve endings down there to culminate in a passionate make out scene where she deep throats him to compensate for her inability to feel, only to start crying and stop fellating him, only to leave him begging for her return of which he works for in the sequel. I just made fifty million dollars.

pee ess- Fuck it, I'm done with the vegetarian thing. Animals are too tasty to give that up, im going to finish off the rest of that food and I'm never looking back.

Ewoks v. Tim Tebow's Knees.....WHO YA GOT??????

I've been playing C&C: Red Alert 3 and I've noticed that I'm only playing it for the cut scenes, and for a video game, the cut scenes have some high profile people, Jenny McCarthy, Tim Curry, George Takei, Gemma Atkinson, J. K. Simmons, Jonathan Price, Kelly Hu, Gina Carano, Ivana Miličević, Randy Coture, and Peter Stormare. Some of those names you're bound to reckognize. Also Left 4 Dead I'm playing nonstop (I'm playing it as I type this with my penis) 4 Player co-op over live is awesome, the game's hit detection could be tweaked a little better though. being thrown out of a building and nearly dying by a huge zombie was one of the coolest things I've ever experienced in a video game.

- Bnew
silent but less than lethal

Sunday Morning Hangover

Making sure I didn't over do it, this what I my shopping list comprised of, 2 XL pizzas from Gumby's, 1 Bottle of Grey goose the 750 mL variety (dive back far enough, grey goose was my first love and will always have a place in my heart, I cuddled with a bottle of it the first night I btought it to a party, that could have been a warning sign.) 1 Bottle of patron silver, which can be substituted for as rocket fuel, along with the soco and amaretto, which wasn't going to be the death of me as I assumed, along with whatever yuengling was left in the house (my estimation was 13) we had a pretty alright pre-game for the let down that was the FSU/ BC game. boo.

Today I still own pretty much all of that alcohol, yuengling excluded.

btw- Waffle House and a tequila sunrise are the answer for a hangover cure.

-Bnew (ish)

space cadet, pull up

The shittiest shit that ever shit

A while ago I was presented with a paper to write for one of my classes, the specifics aren't needed, but it did include Jesus, Call of Duty 4, and Guitar Hero 3. In the story Judas proceeds to Team Kill Jesus in CoD4 to which jesus proclaims "What the fuck judas?". Later he plays Dragonforce- Through Fire and Flames on Guitar Hero 3. (Ironic I Know.) He Fails the song on expert and says "Suck My Taint" before smiting said Guitar Hero Controler. And with those bits in the story the class laughed, except for a few people, two of whom came up to me, the first one was dissapointed that I had been taken over by the evangelicals and wrote a piece on jesus, as if I had become some bible thumping nutjob. The second approached me clearly pissed that I had made fun of jesus, southern female's who happen to be baptists are amongst the most militant human beings one may even encounter. They have the bitch factor on a scale of 1 to 10 adbout 14. Jesus himself is afraid of them. I think it speaks volumes when you're able to piss off people who both adore jesus, and despise him.

-Bnew
do onto others

I hate poorly made electronics

I'm typing this from my apartment complex's computer lab cause my laptop has pretty much died, im not pulling the plug yet, but I am getting a new one tomorrow, a Macbook, so that toshiba sattelite would be my fugly wife that im trading in for Olivia Munn, so, there's that. Alabama had other unforseen consequences, My PSP broke, a PSP that I've had for nearly four years. all things considered, after they remodeled the psp to allow the new ones to use skype, i should have upgraded then, but the sentimental value was there and i didnt wanna replace it, now it has a cracked screen ro fuck that piece of overpriced plastic. I bought the Ratchet and Clank bundle, I remember on my PS2 in the 9th grade I thought Ratchet and Clank was awesome, not GTA3 Awesome Because you could run over hookers and kill hobos in that game. It also came with National Treasure 2 on UMD, I'd like to think sony had some sort of office pool going on at the time with what shitty movie we can get rid of this time (my first psp came with spider-man 2, which in retrospect, spider-man only had one good movie, and those were the italian spiderman movies on youtube) and a voucher for echochrome, which is a pretty awesome perspective baised puzzle game.

-Bnew

a ghost is all that's left

eating cereal with a fork conserves milk

Look, I've come out and said that I'm a very closeted Cardinals fan in the podcast before, but this is inconcieveable. The Buzzsaw might be going in, and the Eagles may very well not. the NFC west excluding the cards has a combined 6-21 record. The Cardinals are 6-3. The Eagles are 5-4 and 4th in the NFC East. I'm speachless.

I don't think I've mentioned on this blog that im in the US Army, and for specific reasons, yet alas, im coming out with it. I had one of those moments when I was in alabama where I thought about damn near everything cause I was that bored. Yes, Sitting on a weapons Range while M249 Squad Automatic weapons are being fired can be boring, if you play it right even you can fall asleep and take a nap. I digress. Today of all days seems right for me to break the silence on that fact. Happy Veterans Day.

-Bnew
how weightless they must be

Alabama Getaways, peanut festivals, and landshark lager

I will tell you this. I've lived in some places that god has forgotten. Missouri, where one morning the sky turned black, not dark rain clouds rolling over, it turned black, as if the rapture was going to fucking occur right there. Alaska, because when 11pm looks like three in the afternoon during the summer, and during the winter it's likght out for about two hours, your state clearly has something fucked up with it, not to mention a hockey mom govenor. And now I can add to that list Alabama, where it rained all afternoon to have the tempreture drop all the way down to 31 degrees outside at night, oh yeah, it was still raining either. close to the florida-bama border there is something called the peanut festival, but it's really a fucking fair, don't let them lie to you, you can get all the boiled peanuts you want there, it's actually kindof cool. it's like a prelude to the SoFl Fair in January. I've grown to appreciate Land shark Lager, it presents me with the thought to tangibily drink a light beer and actually have it taste like beer. It's not repalcing yuengling. me and joe ( All the Heroin on Tamarand) are adamant about our beers, I like to think that's cause we're a couple of drunks who do nothing with their lives other than drink, flirt with women, and have pretty sweet adventures, now that i think about it, we're alcohol fuled superheroes.

-Bnew
no one on the corner has swagger like us

it's all fun and games untill you introduce the topic of anal

Women.

Women are a funny abstract concept. At first glance they have boobs, and boobs are awesome. they also contain the ability to turn raw food into something I can eat. Which is also awesome. often times they often smell better than you and if you play your cards right your sheets can wind up having that same scent. Play 'em wrong, and they'll smell exactly like hand lotion. you walk a fine line when you're around them, at all times the things you say, the way you say them, the way you position your body when you said them, if you've said them while clean shaven, if the tip of your penis poking out of the top of your pants when you've said them, all of these things are being calculated the very same way a major league manager calculates his starting line up.

At the front are the sure things, in baseball you want a leadoff guy with a high batting average, the same when you're talking to girls, if you use a overused pickup line that's like drag bunting right to the pitcher, you've failed and you shold be beaten when you head back to the dugout, maybe someone has already gone a head and spit their dip out in your glove.

In the middle are your power hitters, you want to hit a home run with whatever it his you've got here, a ground rule double might get you a handjob though. dont swing too hard and strike out thought, although, if you're Ryan Howard you more than likley will, or hit right into a shift and cause a double play, causing you and one of your friends not to get laid.

The last few batters are there for asthetic reasons, they might produce a hit here and there, might even get a few runs in, after all, it was Pedro Feliz who hit in the game winning RBI for the phillies in the world series, not Chase Utley, and look at that guy, any number of women want to have sex with him on any given night.

so there you have it. Women are a lot like major league managers, their job is so easy that they even had player-managers in the 70's and 80's being a manager I can imagine is a lot like being the night shift manager at a grocrey store. sure, you're put in charge, but your job is basically done for you. All you gotta do is make sure timmy in the deli section isn't playing bologna hammer again and your job is safe for at least four or five years. (unless you're willy randolph, they'll just stop scheduling you and wont give you a straight reason why).

-Bnew

they said they saw it coming

Rays fans and now republicans can eat my balls

Well, there was an election or something last night. I was unaware. I was too busy stuffing my face at buffalo wild wings with my two american roommates and their girlfriends to notice (The canadian roommate was too busy tending to his vagina and making a really dumb case for obama, I was the one who actually voted for him and I felt like hitting him square in the throat). But apparently people felt it was neciessary to have a god damn parade the second obama was announced president. Look, I voted for the guy, but let's not go crazy now, that's why we made fun of republicans for the past eight years, they we're the ones who looked crazy. we're on the verge of fucking this one up already because we're getting just a little ahead of ourselves, we still gotta wait till january 20th for him to be the official president, we still gotta wait for the other one to finish out his term first.

I'm also trying something new personally, Meat is fucking expensive, and buying fake meat is sketchy, I dont know how many romanians turned it down before it was made into a hot pocket, and im pretty sure chinese food has newspaper in it. so, im experimenting. cause what better place than college than to do it. I'm not calling myself a vegetarian, I'm just not eating meat for a trial period and will resume doing so at a time of my choosing. Essentially I'm Lindsay Lohan.
-Bnew
you know they don't speak to me, the irony is they wont speak with me

Why I feel like stabbing everyone within a 300 mile radius

PoFlaWa, or as normal people know it political flame war, Personally I'm a democrat, but im not rabid enough like Keith Olberman to ram it down everyone's throats. I hate every one today. Oh, you mean there's an election today? Really, I hadn't noticed. My usuall routine of mouthbreathing and wading in my own shit kindof prevented me from knowing that. Facebook has become the most annoying place on earth, between all the political statuses and people sending I heart Obama/McCain gifts. Die. I appreciate the fact that my friends voted, but I remember when that shit was private, you know, so I wouldn't have to constantly hear about it. Everyone who has read a Huffington Post article or a Washington post piece and formed an opinion off of that needs to jump off a balcony.

BNew
Today I didnt even have to use my a.k. I got to say it was a good day.

the neckbeard strikes back

Well, im back from West Palm, the obligatory family visit has concluded rather uneventfully, I saw my new "nephew" I put quotation marks around nephew cause he's not really my nephew. he's my cousin once removed to be more accurate, but because my older cousin and I grew up together, I consider him my nephew. His father and I drank Michelob Celebration vanilla beer, it tasted to me like tree bark but contained 10% alcohol, so I can't conplain, we also split a 6-pack of Budwiser american ale, not bad, but not great. it's also filled with lies seeing as how budwiser isn't exactly an american product anymore. and I dont want my beer lying to me, which is why I don't drink Sam Adams anymore, that man has been dead for over two hundred years, no way he's still brewing ale. suck my dick, boston.

Speaking of people who can suck my dick, everyone in florida who suddenly became Rays fans in the past month and has already subsuquently forgotten they exist over the course of four days. And double fuck you to the twelve people who chuckle to themselves and say "guess you saw the world series and you're a phillies fan now" or something to that extent. listen fucktasters, just because it's common place in this state to like a team for the two weeks they show promise at winning a title and then forgetting all about them, doesnt mean im one of your idiotic mouthbreathing friends or relatives who only pays attention to sports cause that team may win. I'm 20, the last time the phillies won a World Series was 1980, a whole eight years before I was alive, so please, forgive me if im excited that my hometown team trounced a team you pretend you liked inorder to feel better about yourself.

Fuck I hate you.

-Bnew
I've been waiting for this moment all my life, but it's not quite right

Episode 3- Soap on a Rope

On today's show I talk about forced intercourse, Mike Singletatry, Douchebags, Ludacris, and I exclaim Why Can't Us?

Soap on a rope.mp3

Episode 2- Chips and salsa

we discuss how dumb jay cutler is, phillies-rays pitching, starcraft 2 getting fucked up, and porn. yay amurrica!

chips and salsa.mp3

Episode one

podcast.mp3

hungover podcast

yep, im jumping on that bandwagon, im going to be doing a podcast here shortly, where I discuss anything related to me and how awesome i am, please be patient and prepare your ears for the smooth styling of yours truly.

33% coffee 25% yuengling lager 17% pepperoni pizza 9% piss 7% IBprofuen 5% hot dogs 3% vinegar 1% optimisim

Well, operation sell out to MTV isnt going too well, I guess when you're one of about half a million random people trying to get a slot on a TV show that throws "six complete strangers in a house where they stop being polite and start getting real." stop that shit for a second. Politeness goes out the window when you life with five other people? I live with three other people so I guess I'm lucky. But that tagline never sat well with me. I know what the produces of the show are doing, they're making TV worth watching, if I were on that show you wouldn't wanna watch me type in my blog and play halo 3 all day and then fall asleep on the couch while watching major league 2. That's about as realistic it gets for me. No, they want to see drama and hookups, americans have always been vouyeristic to an extent, I dont wanna see the tape of Jessica Alba giving birth, but I would wanna see a tape of her at a beach and her boob pops out.

I never thought of this but selling stuff is all about who can pull off the biggest lie without lying, Last night I did the late night sales for pizza (translation: I have no life to speak of and when presented with the option of making some money at the cost of my sleep and own plans with friends I may have already made) so yes, my social live is thriving thank you very much!

I'm loving october, phills in the world series, Halloween, beer (even though that's a year round thing), and it getting cooler outside makes for a awesome time all around.

-Bnew
Your brain is magic city, your nose is atlanta

Riding high on the wave of euphoria

Funny, that. The Phillies are a mere one game away from the world series, all my life being a fan of Philadelphia area sports teams has been a crutch that gets kicked from under me, This decade though has shown promise to seemingly every team in the area, with the Eagles being the most successful team this decade, seemingly winning everything but a superbowl, The Flyers going from the worst team in the NHL to going all the way to the eastern confrence finals last season, the Soul winning the arena bowl, and now the Fightin Phils one cole hamels start away from a world series, our first since 1993. This city is so ready for one of our major sports teams to win a title, I dont know what will happen if we actually do.

I just realized how much I enjoy comic books again, this faux world where anything is possible makes things pretty interesting, Iron Man in my opinion is a better movie to enjoy than The Dark Knight, girls only enjoyed that movie for Heath Ledger being so dark and had he not died I doubt they would have even noticed it at all. Stand back and ask yourself exactly what went on in that movie. Christian Bale made batman into this whiny pussified version of Bruce Wayne that never occured in the comics, Robert Downey Jr. played Tony Stark flawlessly. Terrance Howard was even good in his protrayal of James Rhodes who eventually dawns a suit like Tony's and becomes War Machine, even though that doesnt occur in the movie it is illuded to. What im saying is Marvel knows how to have fun with their movie franchises, something DC is yet to catch onto, Comics are meant to be enjoied, not make you contemplate how you felt before you saw this movie and the ramifications it has on reallife, because when you do that you miss the key word in Comic books, the word that signifies these are not to be taken seriously and to let you sit back and enjoy what it is you're experiencing. Comic.

-Bnew

Cash rules everything around me

Coke Zero for the masses

"If you aint making a lot of mistakes, you aint making a lot of decisions"
-David Banner

Truer words were never spoken, The phillies got beat up and mugged out in LA, and I didn't even watch the whole thing anymore, I can't Grampy Moyer got five runs off of him in the 1st inning, way to be clutch in a contract year old man, now I know what it's like to endure a gang rape. Ive been a recluse this weekend, i think ive physically gone outside to get the mail, walk to albertsons, and grill my steak, and that's it, the other 45 hours of the weekend were spent in my living room drinking yuengling I took from work, or in my room sleeping. This week in the NFL was pretty awesome, Redkins and cowboys both lost to shitty teams, and my eagles narrowly avoided the same ate before J.T. O'sullivan made the campaign for the niners to draft Tim Tebow, but losing to the cardinals and rams is almost grounds to be redacted to the CFL.

Well, back to me talking about how I'm wasting my life these days, halo 3, now, while the game is over a year old now, I still find myself playing it, either grifball or matchmaking, but last night, myself and three of my friends undertook a grand venture in said game, the Vidmaster: annual achievement, Finish the campaign on Legendary Difficulty with the Iron Skull ( a game modfier that whenever a teammate dies the game reverts to the last checkpoint) with everyone in ghosts. sounds easy enough right? fuck no, this took us nearly four hours. this is my second vidmaster achievement, and I'm looking forward to november 7th so I can get my third one, and I'm gonna have to wait out untill the mythic map pack becomes avaliable to get the fourth and final one and get whatever reward Bungie has promised us.

-Bnew
I ain't here to break it, just see how far it will bend

A Death In the Family, or why I shaved off my neckbeard

well, yes, I was a huge advocate of the facial hair made famous by bears QB Kyle Orton, but alas, outside forces have made it quite obvious that the neckbeard has to go. The process, or surgery if you will, took roughly 15 minuets, to shave my fucking face keep in mind. I'm gonna miss the old Paul Bunyan, that is until the next one grows back in two weeks.

Anyone else think the songs in Rock Band 2 are kind of lame? I mean, there are some good songs, but it's heavy on stuff I don't feel like playing over and over again in the same sitting, I liked Rock Band a lot more than Guitar Hero 3, but this is a case where they took something that wasnt broke and fucking obliterated it.

The guys over at Bungie thought it would be a good idea to release a teaser trailer for their "next game" which is really nothing more than an expansion for halo 3's campaign, but the icing on the cake is the teaser trailer is alluding to a game that wont even be out untill next fall. Next fall. awesome, can I get those new maps now so I can rig your new achievements please?

-Bnew
mornings over, the day is in full swing

I just...wow.....

Sometimes being from the greatest city in the USA backfires, like, right here, Hockey mom is dropping the puck tomorrow at the Bailout center (it's really the wachovia center, but the new mets stadium is gonna be called the citi center, so fuck that.) The Phillies won, again, Brad Lidge continues to raise my blood pressure during the ninth, but he remains perfect on the year with 48 saves. Chase utley was walked four times. four times. Brett Meyers, when he wasn't busy hitting his wife in the face, had three hits, for three RBIs and two runs. Moving to the Eagles Donovan is mad, and well, I would be too, he has called his own preformance latley embarrising, and with the 49ers coming into town, it's the perfect shit team to let out some fustration at having a 2-3 record with, Westbrook or not, Hell, Reggie brown is even out so that means we get DeSean and the guy who's banging a girl next door.

I've been drinking a lot of Yuengling latley, let me rephraise that, my beer intake is the same, but Yuengling seems to be the primary pallet quencher. If you know me, beer is somehting I take somewhat seriously, and to those of you who know me there is very little I take seriously. Beer is one of them, my tastes on it have been noted in the past and I'm not gonna lie, I enjoy trying new beers inorder to find my favorite one. It could be the philly bias I have, It could be because my work serves it and it is leaps and bounds better than corona, Bud Light, Miller Light and Coors Light, Could be because I can drink three of them, watch a Phils game and feel on top of the world, But Yuengling has become my new favorite for the moment.

-Bnew
yeah, we killed it, we killed it all night

I'm naming my son Chase Ryan Newton

After Chase Utley and Ryan Howard, the 2nd and 1st basemen for the Philadelphia phillies, who won game one of the NLCS tonight thanks to Utley's 2 Run homer and Pat "The Bat" Burrell's home run single in the sixth. Life is good for the moment.

Also, I sold 16 pizzas in front of the strip tonight, a place that has a deal with ANOTHER pizza place, I can sell a ketchup flavored popsickle to a lady wearing white gloves. Seriously, your experience with me may vary, but four beers in and a phillies win will turn me into the most perfect version of myself as I can get.

-BNew

mark my words, we're taking over the world

Terms of Service My Johnson

Thank you Google for flagging my blog as spam, thanks to you I missed out on love blogging the debate and missing out on my stories of selling pizza's outside potbelly's, a bar in Tallahassee that is infamous for being a douche and soroislut hangout. (delta delta delta, how may I help ya?) Anyway, Phils are in the NLDS. But the Flyers are having hockey mom drop the puck at their home opener. Ugh.

As for the booze portion of this blog, Yuengling and Sam Adams and fresh Pizza from Three Guys is what I've been fuled on this past week, last night was pllenty entertaining seeing one of the female servers come in plastered as I'm cutting pizzas to sell and trying to "show me how to do it" resulting in her essentially punching a pizza I just pulled out of the over to burn her forefingers and making my pizza look like Michale J. Fox cut it. Thanks. me and the other cook were laughing at you when you left.

-Bnew

right from the very start I knew this day would come

MNF Recap: Ed Hoculi should never be allowed to Ref again- UPDATE

If I've learned anything in two decades it's this: Ref's don't know shit. Bad calls are a part of the game, they happen, you just gotta move on. But when a ref blows two fumble calls in one game, not to mention one earlier in the year, he should be reevaluated. Right away. The guy has made questionable calls all season long and is clearly slipping. But as for the game itself, you know the vikings are a shitty team when your opponent fumbles four times and spots you 17 points and you still win by a fucking field goal. Kim Kardashian was surly having sex with Darren McFadden during the third quarter after she had put all of Reggie Bush's shit in a little box and placed it outside her door. Brad Childress shouldn't be an NFL Head Coach, there I said it, he wasn't good at calling plays for the eagles back when he was their offensive coordinator, he's even worse as a head coach, if you have Adrian Peterson, and he only manages to get 32 yards off 21 carries, I think you hand it over to a kid who's been playing madden for the past four years, he seems more qualified than you. Sean Peyton isn't much of a coach either, sure he's got the best Quarterback that no one is talking about in Drew Brees, but he also decided to go for an onside kick in the first quarter. I really dont think those even work anymore. Tavaris Jackson should give up as well, when the guy who headbutted a wall is doing a better job than you. I think it's time to call it a career. Tony Kornheiser, when did you start calling the game from your living room? I swear, I want Bob Uecker from Major League up there, If I wanted to hear a blowjob festival being preformed on Brett Farve, Peyton Manning, and Tom Brady, I'd listen to Jon Madden and Peter King, You sir, are not them, and quite frankly, are a sham.

-Bnew

I'm living in a dream


UPDATE- oh yeah, that fumble clearly negates a facemask, way to call em ed.

emo hair, don't care

Well, I did it, I opened up a netflix account, well, I only opened it because with the Xbox360's new update you can watch your instant queue on it, but I think I've built up a solid list of movies to watch already.

1. Natural Born Killers
2. Oceans Eleven
3. Iron Man
4. Cool Hand Luke
5. Weeds: season 1
6. Blade Runner
7. Full Metal Jacket
8. Rambo: First Blood
9. Predator
10. The Dirty Dozen
11. Belly
12. Purple Rain
13. Bullitt
14. Psych: Season 1
15. Psych: Season 2
16. Boiler Room
17. Dr. Strangelove
18. War, Inc.
19. Heathers
20. Star Wars: Clone Wars
21. Seven
22. Heroes: Season 1
23. Heroes: Season 2
24. Smiley Face
25. Where The Buffalo Roam
26. Thank You For Smoking

Those are all films I think every one should see at least once in their life, a lot of those up there are classics, and some of them are simply personal favorites, even a guilty pleasure, but fuck you I like them so blow me.

-Bnew

keep running your mouth

Your Mom Is A Classy Lady

Alright, time to get political, people who know me will say my view on life has been slightly slanted to the left, I'm an Obama Supporter, there I said it, I like watching Tina Fey impersonate the GOP vice presidential candidate, I'm having a hard time deciding which I'd rather masturbate to, I think four more years of the same republican party won't be doing our economy any favors, and those are just my own thoughts on the matter, I could give a shit less about most other issue cause quite frankly they dont effect me, but im a staunch believe in "to each his own" so as long as it isnt hurting me directly, I'm gonna support whatever makes you happy as a human being, so gays keep on keepin on, and ladies you can have all the abortions you want, cause who am I to say, A hetero male, what a homoesxual person or a woman can do with their lives? I know that people nowadays are becoming increasingly aware of the world around them, and as have I, I dont like what i see and I'm rallying behind that buzzword that the Democratic party is using: Change.

-Bnew

I could end this a million ways

how to be awesome, or failing that, adequate

Well, this week, I'm gonna go a head and get this out of the way, Men drink beer, plain and simple, women can too, I have absolutely nothing against that, matter of fact I encourage girls to drink, but there are ulterior motives for that,drunk girls let their inhibitions go and make it easier for you to sleep with them.

yep. I'm that guy.

anyway, as anyone can tell you there are a lot of different kinds of beers, Lagers, ales, pilsners, and even more varieties in those three styles themselves, but beer to the average college student boiles down to what is cheap and what can get me drunk really fast and provide me with means to have a lot of it so my cheap friends can get drunk with my cheap ass? While this thought process is good incertain situations that same thought can also be the bane of your existance if your beer experience never ventures away from Busch Light, Natty Light and Bud Light.

So, I feel it is my duty to explain to you the joys of beer tasting and learning that beer is so much more than a means to an end.

Miller High Life- If you're like me and you're boarderline poor, this is your best option for a quality beer that doesnt taste like piss, vinegar and motor oil. There's nothing special about it, however it does lack a serious shit taste factor that so many other cheep beers does.

Yuengling- Now, Philly bias aside, Yuengling is a bargin for the price it's bottled at, this smooth lager is the choice of many Eagle and Phillies fans for drinking while enjoying a game.

Blue Moon- Now while putting fruit in beer is often frowned upon it is almost necessary to put an orange peel in this beer to get the perfect flavor from it.

IPA Pale Ale- India ale isnt actually from India, it was made by english settlers to withstand the long trip to india by boat, now that history lesson aside, IPA may have some wierd names for it's beer but all of them are sure winners.

Sam Adams- now this list hasnt been any suprises so far, MOST of sam adams' brews are pretty good, but there are some of those you gotta avoid, i suggest getting the brewmaster pack at least once and experimenting and seeing what beers you dont like.

Brooklin Lager- now here's one that not a lot of people know of, it's brewed in the old pre-prohibition style ways, very smooth with a flavorful after taste, goes great with some pizza from 3 guys

Lonestar Beer- THE official beer of texas, this pale lager is great for going out and BBQing

Kirin Lager- beer and seafood seldom goes very well together, but this is a huge exception, Kirin is Japan's oldest beer and it's longevity can be attributed to it's great taste, having a salmon fillet and Kirin is one of the tastiest experiences you'll even encounter.

I explain Week 5 in the NFL

Well, hats off to FOX and CBS for forcing me to sit through a couple of shitty games. The only one worth watching was that Dolphins Chargers one yesterday, and that was the first game of the day i got to watch, so the rest of the day was shit capped off by A Day to Remember and New Found Glory at Beta bar, with The International Superheros of Hardcore, Four Years Strong, and Crime in Stereo. all and all a good show.


Since when are the Redskins good? They're the perennial Joke team (if there was one) in the NFC East, not the hottest team in football at the moment, look dolphins fans, you beat the chargers and a brady-less patriots, but the redskins beat the Cowboys and Eagles, a feat you've never done in one season.


The Colts should thank god that Sage Rosenfields is a shitty QB, otherwise they would have lost that game. The Giants put up 44 points on the Seahawks, and no one is talking about them, again. My neckbeard and I are proud of Kyle Orton throwing for over 300 yards, then again it was against Detroit so the argument could be made of "who hasnt thrown over 300 yards on them?" And The Kansas City Chiefs put up a whopping 0 points on the Carolina Panthers. The AFC leading Bills lost to the Arizona Cardinals, as a sometime buzzsaw fan that made me smile a little when they scored 41 points on them.


so, out of those piles of heaping piles of suck, who did it the worst? well, The Chiefs hands down, but they were my suck-off winner last week, so I'm gonna give it to the bills, a team that struggled to score 17 points on a team that last week allowed the cumslinger to throw 6 passing touchdowns on their D. way to go Bills, way to prove you were nothing more than a product of hype and an easy opening schedule.

Same as it ever was

Well, here is where it starts, another blog launched by yours truly. Not only will I be covering the usual sports games, but I'll also cover movies I'm seeing, TV I'm watching, books I'm reading, and anything else I find necessary to be put up here, so sit back, and enjoy what is sure to be a drunken exercise in futility.