The Only Good Thing About Your City: New York

New York City, Home of the Yankees, Mets, Rangers, and Knicks. The City Claims two football teams that play in new Jersey (the Giants and Jets) while they claim no affiliation to the Hockey Team on Long Island, the team itself calls itself the New York Islanders. The city has been home to many of sports most famous figures. Babe Ruth, Jackie Robinson (who played for the Brooklyn Dodgers), Derek Jeter, Lawrence Taylor, Joe Namath, Mark Messier, Patrick Ewing. They are also home to some of sports most infamous figures. Isiah Thomas (as a coach) Alex Rodriguez, and the 1993 New York Mets (and by any extention the present mets team) and Lawrence Taylor. With the largest Sports Market in America, It's no wonder New York is host to 7 pro sports franchises.

National Football League:

New York Jets- Formed as an AFL team in 1960 as the Titans of New York (they would adopt the titans throwback jerseys as a 3rd uniform in 2007). The Jets are most famous for their win over the Baltimore Colts in Super Bowl III (their only super bowl win) in with their QB "Broadway" Joe Namath in 1969 (many people are quick to point out this season my be the sole reason why he is in the hall of fame, his final season he threw 4 TD passes and 16 interceptions). The Jets The team would go on to stumble it's way through the 1970's and in the 1983 draft would pass on future hall of famer Dan Marino for Ken O'Brien. Most recently the Jets drafted USC QB Mark Sanchez, who despite showing great promise in the first half of the season, has shown signs of weakness and all around USC-doucheness as of late.

New York Giants- Now, I could talk how everyone should be eternally grateful to the new york giants for stopping what could have potentially been the perfect storm of smugness emanating from boston fans after Super Bowl XLII where the 18-0 patriots lost to the Giants. But let's be real for a second, I'm not gonna do that. I'm gonna talk about Lawrence Taylor doing boat loads of coke, Plaxico Burress shooting himself in the leg, and former Giant (and current New Orleans Saint) Jeremey Shockey being a huge pile of University of Miami Douche. Those are the images I conjure up whenever I think of the New York Giants. Well, them and Chuck Bednarik hitting Frank Gifford so hard he was forced into retirement (I actually get a chubby when I watch that hit)

National Basketball Association:

New York Knicks- HOO BOY DO THE KNICKS BLOW. I mean, jesus, when you think of the knicks you're thinking of a team on par with a pick up game at your local rec league.You wanna know how bad they are? They paid Isiah Thomas to be a head coach of their team. The Knicks haven't won a NBA Championship in 36 years, and they haven't even been relevant in terms of playoff contention since Patrick Ewing played for them. Wanna know how bad they are? In a fictional universe Whoopi Goldberg was a head coach and it worked out better for them than what they're doing in real life.

National Hockey League:

New York Islanders- The Isles have won four (4) stanley cups in their history, but not one in the last 20 years and in the last five years they have won two playoff games while losing an astounding 184 games, The Islanders are hands down one of the worst franchises

New York Rangers- While it's so easy to hate the Rangers for the team they have currently (they feature uber-douche Sean Avery as one of their defensive players) it's easy to overlook Brian Leetch and Mike Richter, two of the best american hockey players to play the game. Mostly though, It's just super easy to hate the Rangers. The Rangers have been known as a team where good careers go to die. Notably, at various points in history the Rangers had Wayne Gretzky, Pavel Bure, Theo Fleury, Eric Lindross, and Alexi Kovalev on their rosters. None of those players brought any substantial success to the Rangers.

National Baseball League:

New York Yankees- 27 world series championships. Any time you ask anyone anything about the New York Yankees that's what they'll come up with. as impressive as that may be, understand something, that team has been around since the turn of the century, literally, 1901 was their first year in existence, so I've crunched the numbers here and that's one championship every four years, the yankees also lead the league in world series losses (13). There is no franchise in pro sports with more history than the yankess, which also give you plenty to hate about them. Babe Ruth was a fat, prostitute propositioning, cigar smoking, pitcher who is well known for being considered the Home Run King (despite Hank Aaron braking his record and then a steriod enhanced mongoloid breaking his in return) but is also the all time strikeout king. Lou Gerhrig once punched an orphan, that orphan would become Marilyn Monroe who would in turn get punched around by Joe DiMaggio. Mickey Mantle and Roger Maris were closeted homosexuals and spent a lot of time together if you know what I mean (note: I may or may not have made that up, well, the stuff about DiMaggio is true, he went Chris Brown all over Marilyn Monroe) then after being a shell of it's former self the Yankees were bought by George Steinbrenner and he named Billy Wagner as manager then brought in Reggie Jackson and began a tradition of hiring managers that know what they're doing, firing them and taking the side of the self-absorbed players. Steinbrenner would make a habit of simply buying players outright from their teams inorder to construct what would on paper be an all-star team made up of the best players from around the league thusly diluting the level of competition and making my hatred for them on par with that of the Dallas Cowboys, LA Lakers, and Pittsburgh Penguins.

New York Mets- as much as I hate the Yankees, and trust me, I hate them plenty, my scorn for the residents of Queens is even higher, although given their penchant for imploding down the stretch (and in the case of the 2009 season not even competing at all) it brings great joy to my face to watch them fail so hard. I'm not gonna go into the history of the mets so much, well, at all really because who cares? The mets transcend being a shitty team, they embody and embrace being one. All you need to know about the mets is that they will always live in the shadow of the yankees, despite their best efforts to appear as the yang to their yin.

Well. That's another city down, and another 7 franchises, bringing us to a mere 101 teams left. Next post is gonna be New Jersey, after that Is gonna be Philly, which I won't be writing, but will be featuring a guest writer: Lauren Krebs. and despite her handicap (she's both Yankee and Gator fan) she is quite knowledgeable on sports and can come up with some funny material, which will be a pleasant change around here. She might quite literally be the Peggy Olsen to my Don Draper. I like to envision myself as Don Draper as much as possible, just with scotch instead of Rye, mmm scotch.