What I learned after Watching one episode of The Hills

Being that I'm a heterosexual Caucasian Male Between the ages of 20-25, I've never seen an episode of The Hills. There, now that that's out in the open I can provide an in-depth analysis in the lives of 20 something morons who live in LA.

Lauren Conrad (L.C) - The Central focus to the show. Has a house where she Roommates with Audrina and "Lo". Moronic for claiming that her life is stressful when all she does is sit around all day working (I use that term loosely) for a PR firm and going out clubbing at night. Used to be best friends with Heidi Montag.

Audrina - Lauren's roommate, moronic for having the intelligence of a plastic cup. She once posed nude in aspirations for posing in playboy, a simple google search will have those pictures pop up. I think she contributes most to the show when her mouth is closed and she's sitting by a pool.

Heidi Montag- "LC's former best friend, engaged to Spencer Pratt who may be the hugest douche to ever walk the face of the earth, is a moron for staying with said douche inspite of him hitting on other girls and listening to people he no longer considers friends over his supposed fiance. (not that I would listen to her either, I think the smartest thing she said was "this all seems a little set up" when her mom brings her ex-boyfriend who was a state wrestling champ and devout christian to dinner. here's a hint: IT WAS FUCKING SET UP!)

Spencer Pratt- well, lets put it this way, the guy makes Noah Parsons seem humble, He has a uber douche blow out haircut blonde hair and occasionally wears a beard, not the awesome kyle orton / brad newton neck beard, no, a beard that reeks of someone who likes seether, buckcherry, and says the word dog to his fellow douche friends who are just as, if not more white than he is.

Douchebag.

Well, I can't say I really learned anything, the show provides no real insight into the human race assuming you've spent anytime in a high school. I can't say I was entertained by it either, the entire time I was watching it I was hoping for Quinten "Rampage" Jackson to appear and pummel Pratt into submission or hit him with a shovel or something to that effect. fuck, why did they give these people a show?

The shittiest shit that ever shit

A while ago I was presented with a paper to write for one of my classes, the specifics aren't needed, but it did include Jesus, Call of Duty 4, and Guitar Hero 3. In the story Judas proceeds to Team Kill Jesus in CoD4 to which jesus proclaims "What the fuck judas?". Later he plays Dragonforce- Through Fire and Flames on Guitar Hero 3. (Ironic I Know.) He Fails the song on expert and says "Suck My Taint" before smiting said Guitar Hero Controler. And with those bits in the story the class laughed, except for a few people, two of whom came up to me, the first one was dissapointed that I had been taken over by the evangelicals and wrote a piece on jesus, as if I had become some bible thumping nutjob. The second approached me clearly pissed that I had made fun of jesus, southern female's who happen to be baptists are amongst the most militant human beings one may even encounter. They have the bitch factor on a scale of 1 to 10 adbout 14. Jesus himself is afraid of them. I think it speaks volumes when you're able to piss off people who both adore jesus, and despise him.

-Bnew
do onto others

Your Mom Is A Classy Lady

Alright, time to get political, people who know me will say my view on life has been slightly slanted to the left, I'm an Obama Supporter, there I said it, I like watching Tina Fey impersonate the GOP vice presidential candidate, I'm having a hard time deciding which I'd rather masturbate to, I think four more years of the same republican party won't be doing our economy any favors, and those are just my own thoughts on the matter, I could give a shit less about most other issue cause quite frankly they dont effect me, but im a staunch believe in "to each his own" so as long as it isnt hurting me directly, I'm gonna support whatever makes you happy as a human being, so gays keep on keepin on, and ladies you can have all the abortions you want, cause who am I to say, A hetero male, what a homoesxual person or a woman can do with their lives? I know that people nowadays are becoming increasingly aware of the world around them, and as have I, I dont like what i see and I'm rallying behind that buzzword that the Democratic party is using: Change.

-Bnew

I could end this a million ways