My Lawyers made me change the title of this entry so I wouldn't get sued

I'm all settled in here on my little slice of desolate isolated desert. I have a somewhat steady internet connection and my kindle, thing's could be worse a lot worse. I may have set myself up for failure, last time the army peeled me away from the world I severed ties with a girl who had done me no wrong and was perfectly happy being with me. I however was not content with being so far away from someone for so long all the while having thoughts and feelings for them. I deemed that person was non-essential to my success while I was gone and in spite of several attempts to rekindle some kind of relationship, it always failed. Sometimes life is just funny like that. Now here I find my self even farther away from another girl and yet have feelings I can't even explain. I know I've never felt this way for another person in my entire life. The similarities between us and our interests are far too striking to cast aside as mere coincidence. As it stands, she is a girl who I have longed for as far back as I can remember, nothing more nothing less, I made a rule on this blog to never mention names except for joe's and well, im clearly not talking about him and I won't break that rule. I wont even name drop other vastly more successful bloggers who've mentioned me and or read this blog. Simply cause I don't wanna sound like a sycophantic douche, general asshole douche i can live with, but the riding of others coattails is well, for lack of a better word, gay. I guess what im trying to say is I'm happy that I've found someone who i can simply talk to and feel awesome about, but at the same time I feel like the decision I made three years ago may have been self-serving, but it was one of a 18 year old kid who didn't know how to handle things and quite honestly wasn't willing to be a man in spite of a daunting challenge that laid ahead of him. now here I stand three years older and having learned from mistakes willing to make a leap into something that could have huge dividends (a lifetime of happiness) or could blow up in my face (rejection without alcohol and my closer friends to cheer me up). Either way, This deployment has done more to me than I think I realize.